Sensual Domination.
BDSM (bondage, domination, sadomasochism) has gone mainstream. What used to be the decadent fantasy of a few pervs who experimented with alternative ways of living their sexuality, has now landed into the imaginary of a rather varied audience. At least, as a gatekeeper of filth and well-curated fantasies that’s how I see it.
What does BDSM mean to you? Have you found a way of expressing your fantasies? Have you assessed your level of comfort in relation to giving or to receiving pain? How comfortable are you being in control? Can you surrender to someone who can be in charge of your ecstasy for a few minutes or a few hours? Have you been honest with yourself about the role play scenarios that could melt you down? Honesty and desire are an uncomfortable combination. Aren’t they?
These are questions that have been rattling around my mind since well before I even knew the demimonde existed. Some of these have caused me some inner conflict. You know? These were the kind of thoughts I’d rather deny, afraid of entering into a head space that might disrupt a little what I thought I knew about myself. But in reality, by facing them I’ve allowed myself to experience moments of pure transcendence. By confronting these questions head on, I now have material that sheds new light on the most mundane situations. In the queue to pay at the supermarket? How elegant, five minutes to think about how could I use my new pinwheel, eyes blindfolded. Tedious commute on a rainy evening? Chic, forty minutes to daydream about the best combinations of rope and upmarket dirty talk.
The answers to my questions concerning all things desire come back to one idea: sensual domination. To me, sexual domination means subtly using power dynamics to play with the senses rather than using aggression or intense pain. Finding out about those triggers that might bring someone to surrender, by a slow burn of sensual submission.
Think of me. Lingerie and stilettos. Slightly feline movements. Moving around the crime scene, displaying my toys on the bed. Trying to gauge what might be the psychological triggers that will precede the physical gesture that will bring you into submissive mood – eye contact, a naughty smile. Creating a minute in which the time passes as if belonged to another dimension. Giving myself space to assess the right time for the physical gesture to arrive. The moment comes: my hand gently grabbing your throat. Suddenly, silence.
I gently demand you to worship my ass, by spanking it with my pink paddle. Then a moment of softness – a kiss? I demand more pain, now with your hand. I release endorphins to loose my mind.
Surprise. My fingers squeeze your nipples. Gently letting the pressure increase.
Contrasts: sharpness /softness.
Light sensual deprivation. Slow burn.
Surprise [XXX]: it binds us to the unusual, to the necessity to transcend, to completely disentangle ourselves from the rest of the world.
After such voyages, a moment of calm brings us back to the material realm. I then focus on a demonstration of gratitude for the gift of submission: gentleness, caresses, tenderness.
We are made of red velvet inside – maybe it is the only way? Private perversion snaps us out of the material realm. With no consequences other than slightly uncomfortable questions to the self, and cognitive material to daydream on through moments of mundanity. At least now the word desire can finally benefit from its original meaning