BDSM FOR BEGINNERS
Do you find your fantasies dwelling in a dark place, but you’ve never really dared to go there with a partner or a playmate? You’re not alone. Many people are enticed by BDSM but not sure where, how, or with who to start. Well, here’s your chance to start right now with me and my few words of BDSM for beginners.
BE SAFE
BDSM involves playing with different practices that can bring people on edge. It’s what makes it an exciting, liberating and politically transformative practice. But as everyone in the community know, this requires the utmost awareness of the risks, how to play with harm in a safe, sane and consensual way
Within BDSM, there are different ways to deal with the question of safety. The most common watchwords are:
SSC: Safe, sane, consensual. Make sure all play is safe, that everyone involved is in a sane enough state to consent, and that all play is consensual.
RACK: Risk-aware consensual kink. Emphasizes responsibility to know and communicate about different risks, since knowing what exactly is “safe” can sometimes be grey territory.
However, you summarize your code of conduct: consent, communication and awareness of the risk is key.
START OUT SLOW
Any sphere of our desire is multifaceted and deep. If you have not yet turned to your dark side, it’s very likely you don’t know what you truly yearn for. Start out slow. What works for you? A small spatula perfect for spanking? Or is rope a better playtool for you? Would wearing a new item change anything for you? What do you want to be called? What do you want to call your partner?
To find your BDSM persona takes time, and you’re in no rush of getting there. Enjoy the process. Weather you desire to dominate or be dominated, let yourself explore in what ways. Sometimes small tools can do everything to change your perception. If it turns out what you need is more hardcore, patience, time will tell.
My personal signature “BDSM way” is sensual domination which involves a soft and sensual way of playing around kink. Spanking followed by cuddles kind of idea…
PLAY BY THE RULES
BDSM is not rule-free play. But the thing about the rules here is: you make them. Just be sure your partner or playmate(s) knows them too.
In BDSM trust relates to rules, so never cross your agreements. For many of us, it turns out that when you set your own rule, or your irresistible dom sets them for you, nothing is hotter than playing by the rules.
NO SHAME (UNLESS THAT’S THE WAY YOU LIKE IT)
Don’t be ashamed to try out new things, or not knowing in what way you want to dominate or be dominated. Everyone has been at the beginning. To start something new is brave. Enjoy this moment of opportunity, of not knowing where your fantasies are gonna take you or in what form they will play out.
Also, BDSM is a great place to work through emotions of shame. Shame of your desires, yourself, your body, your history. Whether you want to humiliate someone else or be humiliated yourself, in BDSM, there’s no shame in that.
AFTERCARE
When your session is over, check in with yourself and with your partner. This is especially important if you have been topping and have been dominating the space. Show your partner care. Take time to process together whatever psychological and physical sensations you have gone through and provoked.
SEEK GUIDANCE
To enter a BDSM space as a beginner can be scary, uncomfortable, or just plain awkward. Perhaps the fantasy of dominance doesn’t go well with your insecurities of how to behave within the space. You might need help from a professional to ease you into your practice. Don’t worry. I’ve got you. I’ve seen it before. I happily guide couples or individuals into finding their way to their hidden or unexpressed kinks.
A free-flowing non judgmental space may be the best way to start? Reach out!